One of those "God stories"

This story is told purely as a witness to the amazing power of the one and only God that created us. It is my account of the first experience in my life when I remember strongly feeling the Holy Spirit move me to see, hear and feel the amazing love of God. At a time in my life when it would have been easy to stray from where I know God wanted me to be, He provided the direction and guidance to keep me set on a certain path; His path. Pushing aside all other aspirations, this experience opened my eyes to the only thing I truly desire in my life, and that is to be with Jesus. And when you realize something that powerful, you can't help but want to share it with others. I pray that if people read this story they know that God works in many mysterious ways. Just because you may not see yourself standing in front of Him does not mean He is absent in your life, for God is always present.

Two years ago I went on a Confirmation Retreat with my youth pastor Reece and a few other members and kids from my church. While we were there, in one of our prayer exercises Reece read verses from John chapter 1 to tell a story, to challenge us to imagine that we were walking with Christ and to be silent and form our own response to the scripture. So we closed our eyes and Reece read....

Again, the next day, John stood with two of his disciples. And looking at Jesus as He walked, he said, “Behold the lamb of God!” The two disciples heard him speak, and they followed Jesus. Then Jesus turned, and seeing them following, said to them, “What do you seek?”

That night when we had some time to be with ourselves and with God I wrote down my own reflection. This was my exact response... even though it pains me not to make any corrections.

October 22, 2010

“I felt God. I felt like I was with Him, like He was standing right in front of me. And when He asked me what I wanted, I knew the answer right away. I am surprised at how sure of myself I was. I am. I want to be with Jesus. I want to walk with Him and love Him forever. I want nothing more than to know Him and for the first time I believe myself. I truly believe that my heart’s deepest desire is to walk with Him. I’ve never felt so sure of what I want in life. I want to feel like this every time I pray, like Jesus is standing in front of me welcoming me to follow Him. I know that this won’t be how I feel every single time I pray to Him but now I know how real my love for Him is. It’s not just something I say to people, it’s something I feel with undoubted certainty. I love Jesus and want nothing more than to follow Him. This is my purpose; my calling: to dedicate my life to following Jesus and walking in His light. I have faith in Him, that He will show me the ways to go and lead others and I can’t wait to share my experience with others. I felt Jesus. I felt Him inside of me. He is real. This is real. The love I have for Him is real. Amen.”

When you encounter the love of God, your life is never the same. 

"Come Ready and See Me" by James Purdy and Richard Hundley

My first attempt at a text preparation before performing a piece. I should really do this more often...

Although I play a part in this story I feel that my true call is to tell it. I could share insignificant details about my own character and upbringing but instead, I will tell you exactly why I am in this very moment holding this cold cup of coffee here and now. The best part is it all has to do with him. October fell on a Tuesday the afternoon I met him. Quite like the romantic comedy involving a smart and witty school girl falling heels over head for a charming musician from afar, we bumped shoulders in a coffee shop somewhere in Brooklyn. A casual collision to him and a monumental moment for me, he quickly apologized as I attempted to hide my reaction to the first touch that ever made my heart skip a beat. As if his unpolished look wasn’t enough to make my palms sweat, the thick accent that danced between his teeth caught my breath as he asked me if I was all right. Unable to form my own dialect I nodded as he casually offered to hold my books while I dabbed the latte that was hopelessly sinking into my skin. Poking fun at my intellectual choice of reading Paulo Coelho that morning, he revealed the simplest laugh I had ever heard with a dimple to make it concrete. Through glossy eyes I got to experience that laugh three more times as the coffee faded cold in our hands. A few more jokes and a handful of light-eyed winks later I was his and for some odd reason, he was mine. Hours, days, weeks, months. It all blends together now as I sit here holding the same cup of coffee. He was everything I thought he would be. Bold, inspiring and magnetic, he gave my patterned life new meaning and as quick as he entered it, he left. With a fallen family member and being unable to find work in the States, he went back home leaving me a promise that he would return when he was no longer broken and in the same way he appeared, on an October Tuesday in a coffee shop. While life passes, time stands still for the lonely. My family worries, saying that it is natural but unhealthy to remain “hung up” on your first love. I guess some people think it is strange to spend every single Tuesday afternoon sitting silently in a coffee shop until your drink becomes too cold to taste. I used to read, but then I finished my books and lacked the energy it took to find more. It’s funny how draining it is to use only your mind. Now I just sit thinking about him. Remembering the lines across his cheek from an argument he could not win, the circles under his eyes because he refused to sleep, even the melodies he whispered in my ear every time I asked him to stop singing, I wallow in my longing for his presence. October has almost come and gone again and I realize that even if I am willing to wait forever, I can’t. I sing the same sad song fully knowing that waiting has taken up a good portion of my life on this Earth and I can only hope that it will be worth it when he finally arrives. How I yearn for that fall afternoon. The coffee shop encounter will come. He will come. He has to.